No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-06-03 - 1:30 p.m.

hymenoptera-induced regret

okay so i just posted an entry and i'm going to post another. sue me. my dreary day has just gotten a real perk up. i got email from HymenopteraGirl. she's busy and had a lousy birthday (which i forgot, i am ashamed to say) and her father is being a louse (from my perspective that is not unusual) to her and she's too busy and tired. but, she made it out on her first scuba trip and is raring to go diving when i can get out there to visit. which rules. i'm so very psyched for this trip, and i need to get off my ass and start really researching and planning it.

ye gods i miss her so much. file this under you don't know what you could have had until it moves half-way round the world.

ah, j$ don't start down that path, or the day will stop being gray and start being black. it is enough in it's way that she wrote and is good and is looking forward to diving with you.

at the risk of getting dreary again, i just want to say that i want to be a happier person than i am. but more than that, i want to be able to recognize what's in front of my nose while it's still in front of my nose. i don't want to finish the sum after the blackboard has already been erased. i don't want to recognize what it was that was in front of my nose only when it is thirteen time zones away.

hmmmm...can you say regret?

i knew that you could.

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