No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-07-09 - 1:19 p.m.

ummm...just stuff

not the busiest weekend in the history of the world, but one where i didn't find the time/energy to update. sue me.

saturday night i went over to jo3's and T-woman and FriendFriend and T-woman's sister and ViolinGuy (the last two being new additions to j$'s little black book) came over. we had this great meal with amazing soup by jo3, great tofu burritos by T-woman and terrible sangria by j$. nobody can ruin a good bottle of red wine faster than me. note to self: stick to easier recipes like "one part ice, four parts whiskey". even i can't screw that up.

we played music, and ViolinGuy is like the most amazing musician. besides the violin, he also played guitar, harmonica (well enough to make me despair), his hands (don't ask), and drum. we started joking that we'd pull out the vacuum cleaner and request mozart. i'm not entirely convinced that he couldn't do it.

all the good music, however was not enough to keep people awake. people just started dropping off to sleep. by midnight it was just jo3 and i still playing (really quietly), with T-woman asleep with her head on jo3's thigh, and FriendFriend drifting in and out of consciousness.

good night. boy howdy, a good night indeed.

the next morning (just barely still morning -- 11:30) the same crew gathered at T-woman's place for brunch. again with the eating so much i could barely move. lots of fun was had, much joking and ribbing, and the occasional etymological conversation. (i can't explain -- you'd just have to know jo3 and me and how we are together sometimes.)

after our meal, jo3 and T-woman, and ViolinGuy practiced some songs for the cathedral choir that night. FriendFriend and i hung out and talked while T-sister did dishes. (i offered to help, i swear.) turns out FriendFriend and i were the only non-catholics in attendance. it was nice to share a little solidarity there. nothing against catholics, but it's kind of a bummer to be the only non-something in a group, ya know?

so here goes nothing.

i kinda think i might possibly like FriendFriend. you know. *that* way.

right now somewhere in the back of my head, i hear jo3's voice saying "it's on. it's so f***ing on." and SmogMonkey? silence.

silence because i think, just maybe, and perhaps, it might be mutual. dunno, really hard to tell. first off, i have to say that i'm not really crushing hard here or anything. it's a very calm and sedate kind of attraction. second, the reason i think it might be mutual is that there seems to be a lot of smiling between us. at first i thought it was her being polite while i was staring too much. but then i made a deliberate effort to not look her way. and when i did glance at her, there was usually a smile.

we have this kind of awkward thing. where we don't know what to say.

it's probably all in my head, anyway. funny how i can second-guess myself isn't it. hello, SmogMonkey, i'd wondered where you'd been.

anyway, four of us made a quick jaunt by the arts festival. i keep forgetting how much i hate that event. every few years i have to go back to remind myself.

got home just in time for it to rain buckets. spent the rest of the afternoon and evening sitting around home, reading and working on the computer.

today, i'm contemplating becoming the world's second corporate rock star. more on that later, perhaps. for now, i'm just wondering why the guy in the qwest truck has to put up cones around his truck when he's parked in the middle of the parking lot. osha rules probably. i should start cordoning off my car wherever i park. big yellow police tape and all that.

okay, i'm spent for the moment, one last thought for the day. this one courtesy of BigSis:

"don't sacrifice what you want most, for what you want now."

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