No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-07-16 - 3:32 p.m.

junk, junk, and more junk

"burn it down and knock it over; have sex with it; or leave it alone."

dead mikmen -- sri lanka sex hotel

seems as good a way to describe typical male thought process as any.

played poker on friday night. was asked at beginning if i'm a gracious loser. guess i am, cause i dropped $15 in a couple of hours. didn't really bother me. does that mean i'm rich? maybe.

the last game was one where everyone starts with x money in front of them, and everytime they lose (one loser per hand) they pitch in a set amount. once you're out, you could buy in to stay in, but the price kept doubling. long story short, me and CandleMan at the end, each with four dollar stacks in front of us, and more than $20 in the pot. all down to one card apiece. all i needed to do was draw a four or better. two.

i thought at that point that i could reach into my wallet and plunk down $8 to keep in. it occurred to me that i might be able to win just by being willing to outspend him. not very sporting, so i let it go.

of course, that left me with a nickel and $14.95 in donations to my friends. i threw my nickel into the ante and took off.

i think i was pretty gracious about the whole deal, because it didn't bother me to lose the money. i had a good time, and didn't get upset at losing.

it was a good time. though in some ways i wish i'd gone over to Rudie's. EchoGirl was there, and apparently she expressed dissapointment that i wasn't going to make it.

don't think what you're thinking. i know what you're thinking. cause i think it. all the time. but i should know better than to think it. and in this case i do.

okay, i just confused even myself. here's the summary.

i dig EchoGirl, cause why not, she's amazing. EchoGirl, friday's comment notwithstanding wouldn't pay me much attention if i was on fire. she's another in the the long list of my women friends who will forever be friends, despite my hopes for more.

story of my life.

couple of young skate punks in the parking lot. they're practicing grinds about two feet from a huge metal spike sticking up from the ground. natural selection in action. i'm just gonna dial "91" and wait for the blood to start spurting before i dial that last "1".

huge hodge-podge of crap today.

my apologies.

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