No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-08-01 - 2:26 p.m.

no brain

i can't think.

i have no brain.

if i have a brain, it's on vacation.

i keep trying to wrap my brain around things here at work. important questions like "if i work on a SAX parser does that make me SAXy?".

seriously, i keep trying to get something done, and every task seems so huge that i don't know where to start. i'm having a serious case of analysis paralysis.

i'm bloody tired today. my body decided that having a full night's sleep made me just too damned insufferably perky yesterday. so it rectified the situation last night.

people take sleep for granted. i swear i will never take sleep for granted again.

my computer doesn't work. it won't keep running for more than five mintues. i really, really need to get it working but i just don't have the will to keep messing with it. part of me wants to just junk it and go spend a bunch of money i don't really have on a new mac.

it took me over an hour to get home after work yesterday. i have never been closer to road rage than yesterday. i just got so infuriated with the fact that it took me so long to go less than ten miles.

i kept thinking "how did this become my life? how did *this* kind of crap become a daily occurrence in my life?"

i feel like i'm marking time. i'm sitting out this job and this apartment and this loneliness and this obesity and this whole situation. i'm just waiting for that magical time at some undetermined point in the future when suddenly my life will be better.

happiness does not start tomorrow.

i need to remind myself of that.

happiness does not start tomorrow.

all i want is to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, and for once in my life, just sleep.

is that really so much to ask?

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