No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-08-16 - 11:29 a.m.

gotta pee, gotta pee, live music every friday this week, gotta pee, impending K, gotta pee, gotta pee, damn the carpet men

last night while i was driving home i passed a bar that had the following message out front "Live music every Friday this week."

right on.

the carpet in the hall outside our office is being redone today. the workers have put red warning tape over all three doors in and out of our office. i hope they finish at least one section of it soon. i have to go to the bathroom.

no i mean, really have to go to the bathroom.

for those of you who don't know, i have a bladder the size of a thimble. i *always* have to go the bathroom. i have friends who call me "hamster bladder" or "bladder boy" or "@sshole-head" though that last one may or may not be pertinent to this discussion.

i'm actually trying to do some work today, and so far have had some success. baby steps. baby steps back into something recognizable as a life i want to live.

so jo3 invited me to a happy hour in honor of K's birthday tomorrow. i haven't talked to K since her "let's do group thing" message, shortly after the "kind of uncomfortable" thing. though, to be honest, i haven't spoken to her in person since last november. all other communication was just phone tag.

i think i'm going to go, but i don't know how i'm going to deal with it. i've been known to be overly-dramatic. i've been known to sulk. i've been known to drink too much when i'm having issues with unrequitedness. i've been known to make inappropriate remarks when i'm in the midst of all the above and can't say what's *really* on my mind.

i've also been known to stay in on a friday night, hiding from the world and drinking beer.

fortunately, i think that ChefsKey and Ng will be there. they're both people i enjoy talking to, so i can just try to drown out the fact that i have issues in a couple of beers and some good conversation.

eRoommate wants to get a group together to go out dancing tomorrow. there's more talk of that ever-mythical "group of hot women from my work" going out. the last "hot woman" from work that he introduced me too was badly in need of an outfit three sizes larger than the one she was wearing.

besides, i'm really not in the mood for clubbing recently. i've never had the ability to scam. i've lost most of my ability to just enjoy the environment at the clubs (this stems from my month on the wagon, when i realized that the only reason i enjoyed the environment was that i was usually sh*tfaced). i don't even really enjoy the "scenery", in much the same way that starving people don't much enjoy staring into the window of a bakery. if i can't have it, i'd rather not know it exists.

okay, i *still* need to go to the bathroom. someone's planning of this carpet job was extremely inconsiderate of my needs. in one of Mark Leyner's books (i think it was Et Tu, Babe) he says that some day he's going to write an entire book while having to urinate very badly and see if it affects the motivations of his characters.

i'm going to try to work now, but i think that my code is going to be a bit *rushed*, if you know what i mean.

damn the carpet men.

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