2001-08-17 - 1:19 p.m.

hiding

hiding.

i'm in hiding today.

i'm being quiet and hoping nobody will notice me.

this bad monkey doesn't want to work, but he brought his own banana from home. that'll show 'em.

i realized this morning that i've been walking around with a ball of fear in my gut for days now. you know that slightly hollow, achey feeling you get in your stomach when you're dreading something? i have that a lot right now.

do you know what i dread?

getting up in the morning.

when i go and hang with my friends, everything is okay. i feel loved in their presence. because i am.

work makes me feel unworthy. not incapable, unworthy. because i don't care about work. and they pay me too much money for me to not care.

i'm in hiding today.

from myself or from others is a question that's still up for grabs.