No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2002-04-24 - 3:15 p.m.

too much to do...

I am exceedingly stressed out today. I've got that tight, constricted feeling in my chest.

It has nothing to do with the Temp Job. That's not worth worrying about. Especially since I learned today that I'm completely under the radar as far as the Powers That Be are concerned. If/When they remember my presence I'll likely be gone. Considering my boss has been told to move to the land of a thousand lakes or look for another job. Looking more and more like a whacked out place where I don't want to work forever anyway.

No, the reason that I'm all stressed out is that I'm realizing I've overloaded myself and I'm going to have to cut down. And when I cut down I'm going to piss off some people. Most notably, I may have to bag on some plans I have with RockGirl to fulfill my duties to this new show. She's been skirting the line of understanding anyway, and I think this might throw her over into pissy.

Of course, I'm not terribly happy right now that she's already scheduled my entire weekend. Meaning, I have no spare time for myself for who knows how long. I wonder if I really have time for a girlfriend right now.

I wonder if I really want a girlfriend right now.

I wonder if I actually want and have time for a girlfriend, I just don't want RockGirl in the role. Right now.

Damn I wish I didn't have to work.

There's so much I want to be doing, but I have to make myself realize that I *can't* do it all. I just can't.

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