No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2003-02-06 - 3:33 a.m.

Awwwww, jeez

So the usual suspects went out tonight and did the usual thing. Beers were drunk, and so am I.

Sometime before a long and interesting conversation about The Voice of Our Generation, and other cogent topics with HeavyG (heretofore known as CG) there were some interesting things that happened.

See, Stimpy, one of the usual suspects, has gotten into the habit of teasing me pretty mercilessly. I can't even begin to explain it all, but suffice it to say that she has a nickname for me that was born out of the comment "I could ride j-money around the stage like a horse". Many, many, many sexual comments have been made in recent months. Which I kinda figured was just part of our joking around.

All of this has been relatively moot, because Stimpy is married, and I believe in fidelity in marriages, and won't ever be a party to the breaking thereof.

But tonight, there was a joke made by her, kind of a dare, if you will. At first it made me blush. Then after a few beers, it didn't make me blush so much. Then after another beer or two, I actually took her up on it, and suddenly it was her turn to blush.

Which is not to say that I feel guilty about my actions or anything. I don't think I crossed any lines that I would feel bad about crossing. Honest.

But it certainly took us closer to said lines. And she was blushing up a storm.

And after she had left, HeavyG told me he thought she has a crush on me. Which, in it's own way, is damn disturbing.

Cause, I'm thinking, her hubby is drastically not present, both generally, and at very important times, like, say her birthday (which is coming up, and which she'll be spending with the usual suspects, and not with hubby) and probably at Valentine's Day (most likely ditto).

And while I really, really, dig Stimpy, see above about fidelity and such.

So suddenly, I feel guilty. Because I could never countenance me being a part of any relationship breaking up. And at this point in time, I just don't know what might be going through her head.

But, beers were drunk, and so am I, so please administer a grain of salt when consuming this entry.

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