No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2003-07-31 - 4:33 p.m.

Goodbye, Grandpa

So I haven't been writing, and haven't felt like writing.

I've been considering giving up on this journal. But I'm wishy-washy, and I don't want to do one of those retrospective, "look how much I've grown" kind of entries. So, if I don't update in forever, it might just mean I'm not coming back. Then again, it might not.

I'll probably still read, I just may not update. We'll see.

I'm trying very hard to stave off an enormous crying jag. The kind where I curl up into a ball and don't move for hours. I need to hold it off until I get home tonight, because I have rehearsal, and I need to function.

The reason for the immense sadness is that my grandfather died today. I've known it was coming. It was almost a year ago that they were saying "maybe only a few weeks". But, I never really believed it would happen. He was too tough to ever die.

But he did.

There is not way to describe the effect it's had on me.

I was over visiting TwinSis and NumberOneNephew, because the little man has acid reflux and cries almost all day long. I went over to give TwinSis some relief. She got the call from BigSis. I sat there and held my nephew, and we both cried for a bit.

It really hasn't sunk in yet. I don't know when it will.

He was a gentle soul, and I miss him.

Goodbye, Grandpa.

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