No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-09-25 - 11:08 a.m.

Dream Girl Qualification Quiz

The j$ corporation (a sole proprietorship) is now accepting applications for the role of Dream Girl. If you are interested in the position, please take the following quiz, and submit your results (in triplicate) to j$.

1. Define Satori. (5 points)

2. Jane Goodall studies: (5 points)
    a. Gorillas
    b. Chimpanzees
    c. Art History

3. Name a song that appears on The Purple Tape that does not appear on Tails or Firecracker (5 points)

4. If you don't know the musician from the question above subtract 10 points.

5. The Broncos are: (5 points)
    a. The best team in football
    b. Headed for the superbowl
    c. At the very least better than the Raiders

6. Define ThAC0. (2 points)

7. What is the correct way to uninstall Internet Explorer (2 points)
    a. fdisk
    b. install linux
    c. a then b

8. Are you a fashion model? (If Yes, subtract 30 points, go eat a Big Mac and try again when you start to look human.)

9. Could you be a model but refuse to starve yourself? (10 points)

10. Do you like to cook? (5 points)

11. Do you liked to be cooked *for*? (5 points)

12. Complete the following quotation. "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya..." (5 points)

13. You know that scene in Breakfast at Tiffany's (If you haven't seen it, that's okay, I haven't seen the whole thing. If you haven't heard of it, subtract 20 points) where Audrey Hepburn is sitting on the fire escape and playing guitar and singing with that Audrey Hepburn voice, and then she stops and she looks up with those Audrey Hepburn eyes and she says "Hi" with that shy little Audrey Hepburn smile? Um...there was a question here, but I lost it. (5 bonus points for reading the whole question).

14. The proper place for a woman is: (10 points)
    a. In the kitchen
    b. Wherever she wants to be.
    c. Beating the ever-living hell out of chauvinist men.

15. The proper place for a man is: (10 points)
    a. Sitting on the couch watching football
    b. Wherever he wants to be.
    c. Pampering his Dream Girl.

16. Would it be okay if we named our daughter Molly? Cause, see, my sisters have already named my nonexistent daughter. And they're my sisters and I love them, so... (1 point)

17. Um...You did want kids right? (15 points)

18. George Dubya Bush is: (5 points)
    a. A brilliant leader.
    b. An okay guy who just happens to have his head up his ass on any issue worth discussing.
    c. A shaved chimp in a three-piece suit.

19. The thing I like best about j$ is: (5-500 points, depending on imagination, eloquence and sincerity).

20. You're still reading this thing? Give yourself 4 points for persistence.

All applications will be given due consideration. The j$ corporation is an equal opportunity employer.

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