2003-05-29 - 10:52 a.m.

checked out, and eggshells

Much like someone else, I am lamenting the fact that I have kind of moved out of my journal in recent months. I've been journaling much less than I used to, both here and in my dead tree journal. I haven't written as much as I'd like, and I've often written more out of a sense of duty than out of a sense of joy.

I'm emotionally discombobulated this morning, because I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I'm trying very, very hard to be open and honest with ShyGirl. But every time I do so, especially when I discuss fears and trepidations, I seem to hurt her. She gets worried, and afraid and sad. She cries, and it's my fault. And it's killing me.

Part of me is frustrated at drama. Part of me is disgusted.

I hate that part of me, but it is still part of me.

I wish we could have time together without her becoming upset about something.

Just once.

I'm tired, and there's so much to do today.