No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2003-01-14 - 3:03 p.m.

E-mail conversation with ShyGirl

Some of the things I said to her:

"Hey. Sorry I've been out of touch. Pesky habit of mine, sometimes, to disappear. It's not intentional.

"Not angry. Really not. But I wasn't exactly in my happy place there for a while. The way that I deal with such things is to retreat into solitude and process it in my own time. I kind of needed you to be out of sight, out of mind for a little while. This is how I cope."

"Please regard me as a friend. That's how I regard you. God, I feel like this has suddenly become a really overly-formal and stilted conversation. Thhppppppppt! There, that feels better.

I'm a moron, and I often act like one, and for that I must apologize to you. I hope I can keep my moronosity to a minimum from now on. Friends?"

Some of the the things she said to me:

"It's absolutely terrific to hear from you, j$. ... Things

are great, life is good, 'cept I thought you were kind of lingeringly angry

at me and I miss ya, j$."

"After careful consideration I've come to the following conclusion: I really

really care about you and very much want to be able to pick up the phone and

chat or go hang out or something and I was feeling sad and yes a little hurt

and frustrated but now I'm better. Okay. Your companionship was so integral

to my feeling okay even while I was being ripped apart inside and you hold a

really important place in my heart and I'd like to keep nurturing that

friendship and I wanted to make sure that was okay. :) I didn't want to feel

like I'd destroyed that for us (or, selfishly, for me). I have a lot of

friends, sure, but I don't have a lot of people who are as close as you, or

I feel I can talk to like you. I was frustrated because I felt I'd ruined



That is all.

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