2002-01-14 - 12:54 p.m.

no time, and the weekend, and reflections on the possibility of InstaFamily

So, I'm thinking that if I had a job, I'd have no time at all. Seriously. I only get to relax during normal business hours. Though, granted, I do spend a lot of that time running lines and looking for a job. I really need to step up the looking for a job thing, though.

Weekend, weekend, who's got the weekend?

Saturday was sleep in a bit, drop by BigSis' house, then on to tech work for Lear. We moved stuff out of storage, and built most of the set. It was a pretty fun, kind of bonding time. Reminds me of high school theater. That night was a gaming event, also fun. I saw a lot of people who I hadn't seen since New Year's and most of them congratulated me on the part in Lear, and asked me how long I've been dating RockGirl.

Sunday was sleep in a bit, go over to jo3's for the Packer Game, come home for a nap (I'm spending waaaaay too much time sleeping), then over to RockGirl's. CutestBoy was around for the day. He made a great impression at the Packer Game (jo3 and Ng are both just amazing with kids). Last night, however, he was feeling kind of sick, so he got to be pretty cranky. I count it as a test. I want to be able to deal with him well.

See, I like kids. But I tend to treat them as much like everybody else as I can (ie no baby talk, and as little condescension as I can). But that means, that like everybody else, it takes me a while to warm up to them. I always have this urge to be the instant perfect playmate with kids. Which never happens for me. I marvel at people like jo3 and ShortBroInLaw, who have an instant rapport with any kid. I just can't do it.

Which is not to say I'm not good with kids. I'm just not great. Anyway, it's important to me to have a good relationship with CutestBoy. That's gotta be huge for a single mom. To have her boyfriend get along with her son.

I know I worry too much. About everything. All the time. But I always have these little playlets running through my brain. You know, RockGirl decides to take out the trash, and in those thirty seconds, CutestBoy finds something sharp and does himself grievous injury. Then, in a flash, the crew of Cops is there, and my shirt has disappeared, and I have a mullet, and I'm drunkenly slurring that the little bastard did it to himself and it's not my fault. Then I'm on the Jerry Springer show, next to three other "Drug Addict, Abusive Boyfriends" trying to explain that they all had it coming, and besides it was the alien mind control device in my brain that was responsible.

This is what my brain does when left to its own devices.

It does this all the time.

But anyway, I think I got on okay with CutestBoy. Eventually he felt so sick and sorry for himself that he just wanted RockGirl to hold him. He asked to go to bed an hour and a half early (which meant he woke up for the first time at 4:30 this morning). RockGirl and I watched "The Fifth Element" and went to bed early, as well.

It was almost Normal Rockwell. Yesterday, after RockGirl had left the Packer Game viewing, jo3 turned to me and said "how's the family?".

So, really, there it is. Sometimes I feel like I've stumbled into a ready-made family. I just hope that that's what I want.