No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-11-18 - 11:56 a.m.

Living the dream

Again, what to say?

I'm continuing to feel that my entries of late are all about lists, and very little about substance. But I don't have much time today, before I must rush off and celebrate my mother's birthday.

RockGirl emailed me this week to ask me out to a movie. Then she bailed on me, sorta last minute. All of this was by email. Neither of us called the other. Then Friday she called to apologize (which was nice, though I wasn't at all mad). The funny thing here is that she said we should try to catch the movie soon. But she left yesterday for a trip back home for Thanksgiving. And the day that she gets back I'm leaving on my own trip. So I said "See you in December".

Wow, this is a lot of dreck. Don't worry there's some self-pity just around the bend, here.

Yesterday I went up and spent about five hours doing a little web consulting thing for a woman I used to work with. Really simple stuff, just page layout and some light JavaScript. It was fun, and a lot like old times, when she and I would do that kind of stuff together for sixty hours a week. Anyway, as we were eating lunch, she asked me for romantic highlights from my and eRoommates' lives (he worked with her, too). So I told the sad and sordid story of eRoommates' love life, which took a little time. Then I said "And you've already heard the highlights for me, cause there are none."

And it was overly dramatic and self-pitying.

But it was also true.

But really I wasn't feeling too self-pitying. It was a good day, and I felt good. And seeing an old friend with her new son, and her beautiful suburban home, and her loving husband. It did my heart good. Cause in some ways, she's living the dream.

It's good to know that people can actually get there.

And now I must flee, and go live out my own little corner of the dream. Cause the three most important women in my life (Mom and the sisters) will be waiting for me.

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