No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2003-04-01 - 12:43 a.m.

benefit performance, and hanging with my girls

Tonight there was a reunion of the cast of my last show for a benefit thing. It was at a dinner theater, and there was this little awards thing beforehand. It was pretty much some of the "big wigs" of Denver theater all patting themselves on the back. Mostly it looked silly and highly, highly political. The performance went fine.

Between the tech rehearsal, and the performance, I went out to dinner with MW. She and Denial are broken up (again) this time probably for good. It was funny, because we were just catching up on gossip, and talking about ShyGirl, when without really noticing, we had the friends talk.

Which is not to say it was a necessary talk. It was just that we're good friends, but neither of us has ever really considered dating the other. And while both of us knew that, it'd never been said.

It was just kind of an odd moment for me. And it passed quickly, without any real acknowledgement. Not even so much as a "I'm glad we're both on the same page".

After the performance, I got together with Stimpy for drinks.

(Have I mentioned how cool it is to have women friends to hang out with? They're the coolest. Seriously. My Girls. You gotta love 'em.)

We also talked about the ShyGirl thing. (I'll have you know that I did not start either of these conversations. Both Stimpy and MW had heard about the break-up with FuckFace, and wanted to know my thoughts.)

Stimpy had two very good points for me to consider. First, what did I learn out of what happened last fall? Was there anything I learned about myself, or the nature of relationships. Which kinda set me back, cause I'd never thought about it. Of course, the unspoken corollary is how do I use what I've learned to avoid getting kicked around like that in the future?

The second point was that I need to remember how upset I was last fall. Just as I have to keep reminding myself that Herr Director screwed me over once, and I can never trust him completely not to do it again. I should keep in mind that ShyGirl made a decision.

And I am *nobody's* Plan B.

Sounds all big and tough, doesn't it? It's most likely a facade, which will crumble. But at the very least, at some point she needs to understand that she fucked up, and she's got a big credibility gap to overcome.

Bah! I'll have no more of this crap.

Sometimes I don't even know why I like her.

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