No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-12-22 - 12:46 p.m.

christmas spirit, questions of forever, and banana muffins

home again, home again, jiggety-jog.

poor eRoommate. he finally gets to spend a couple of days in town, and i decide to pull a houdini. i feel bad because i bailed on him last night to go hang out with RockGirl.

it's much more comfortable much more quickly than i would have ever expected. i don't know if that's something to be nervous about, or something to be happy about. it's comfortable, which is nice. and it's exciting. and i've pretty much forgotten how this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing is supposed to work. that's of course assuming that i could call her my girlfriend. i haven't asked her that, because it feels kind of junior high. but i have a definite feeling that she wants me around. i'm going with that.

questions of forever are banned from my mind. she got divorced last year, she has a kid. there are reasons i could believe this to be rebound-y. questions of forever are banned from my mind. each day is a new day, and each day will take care of itself. and if it comes down to it, forever is just made up of a bunch of days, no?

she made banana muffins this morning. she's so going to spoil me.

i'm content in a way that i haven't been in years. i don't have a job, and i don't know what exactly i'm going to do with my life, and a million other things from my bushel-basket of neuroses. but.

she wants me around. she wants me.

i'd forgotten the power of that.

now i must shower and change, and rush off to BigSis' for the Christmas celebration with Dad. fortunately, i got all my shopping and wrapping done yesterday. from here on in it's just presents and family and fun.

have a happy what-not, everybody.

hasta-la-pasta, i'm outta here.

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