2002-08-08 - 2:07 p.m.

Ode to the Capn

So today I have to talk about something that's very important to me.

Alcohol.

If you don't know already, my favorite drink in the world is Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum and Pepsi. I'll drink a Capn and Coke if I have to, but really, Pepsi is the mixer of choice. This drink was dubbed (by K) as either a Mo N Pep, or a Pep Mo Bismol. Personally, I don't care what you call it, as long as the Capn's involved, I'm on board.

My love for the Capn knows very few bounds. And when deciding what to drink, once his name has been invoked, there's no turning back. For my birthday, eRoommate got me a big ass bottle of the Capn's Private Reserve. It was the second best gift I got this year. I don't know how many times jo3 and I have made toasts which are simply "O Captain, My Captain".

The Capn and I are close.

So when they came out with that new Captain's Gold malt beverage we-wanna-be-zima-too thing, I was skeptical. But it was only a matter of time before I tried it.

Let me tell you. It sucks ass. It sucks donkey ass. (Or would that be ass ass?) It's terrible. It's got this weird, cloyingly sweet taste to it, and it really doesn't taste like the Capn at all. When I looked at the ingredients I saw caramel. Caramel? What the hell is caramel doing in my Capn? So wrong. So very, very wrong.

Now, I've managed to work through this pretty well. I ran straight back to my beloved Capn. I'm okay. Really, I am, but whoever came up with this travesty had better hope I never run into them in a dark alley.