No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2002-09-24 - 6:40 p.m.

Otter, no Otter

Thank God for straightforward and direct. Otter is those things, and it's a good thing.

Me? I'm a moron. But I can ocassionaly be coerced into being a communicative moron, and I'm always an honest moron.

Straightforward and direct plus honest equals Otter and I are not dating, nor are we likely to.

Last night we talked and decided we should give it a try.

Today we talked and decided that we shouldn't give it a try.

I'm not ready.

I hate myself sometimes. See, cause here is another really great, terrific, spectacular person, who in spite of me being me, and the whole moron thing, likes me. And I can't deal with it. I can't do it.

Someday, dating will happen as easily as sliding into a pool of water.

Someday, dating won't be cold sweats and sandpaper on the soul.

I feel so bad, because I just can't deal. It's not fair to her. It's not. She took a chance, and put herself out there, and I couldn't deal with it.

I like her.

I don't want to date her.

At least we figured it all out quickly. At least there was no ugliness this time, as I tried to make something work because I *thought* it should work, and in spite of what I was *feeling*.

I don't trust my feelings much anymore. Hell, I rarely seem to know what they are.

I wonder if I'll ever really fall in love.

SmogMonkey came back today, and he's been singing the "Alone, alone, you're going to die alone" song for hours.

Sometimes, you never know, you know?

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