2002-04-16 - 5:20 p.m.

Tuesday's version of pipe dreams, and plant sex

This seems to be the week for afternoon pipe dreams.

Today my pipe dream is that I'll somehow come up with the money to go to Vegas (Vegas, baby, Vegas) in July for a big three-week long stage combat training seminar thingy. To my little j$ eyes it looks to be about the coolest thing under the sun.

So if any of you out there want to donate about $2000 to the "Let's make j$ happy" fund, please email me. I'll be eternally grateful. I promise.

In other news I desperately need for all the plants around here to stop having sex. The pollen is killing me. I mean killing me. I've spent days upon days with a constantly runny nose and constantly itchy eyes. I'm dying over here. I went to see Dr. Evil on Friday, and he wanted to give me Claritin. I told him I'd already tried it and it doesn't work for me. So he gave me Clarinex instead. Made by the same company. Apparently if you change one syllable in the name, it'll suddenly work. Or not, as is the case with me. Of course, what should I expect from Dr. Evil? Dude never listens.

Geez, I feel like I need a day off.

More than that I need my nose to take a day off.

Oh yeah, and that two grand. I'd really appreciate it if you got right on that. Gee, thanks.