No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-09-22 - 7:11 p.m.

casting about for strength

it's time for me to leave for the party.

right now i don't want to go.

i'm going to have to see EchoGirl.

worse, in a way, i'm going to have to see the questions in Rudy's eyes when he looks at me, then at her, then back to me.

i don't have the energy to answer those questions. i'm not even really totally sure what the answers are.

i don't have the energy to see her.

and know.

that she's just another one.

in the ever-growing list.

of women i'll never date.

and i'm a turmoil of emotion right now.

and i'll likely drink too much.

and then i might say or do things i shouldn't.

and part of me just wants to stay home and play guitar all night.

but i know i can't.

and i've delayed long enough already.

i have to go.

strength, j$, strength.

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