2002-02-14 - 4:01 p.m.

Valentine's Day and I'm a bastard

Today I feel like a bad boyfriend.

I know it's Valentine's Day, and it's been a long time since RockGirl and I could spend any real time together.

But today I didn't want to be with her. I need my alone time.

I went to the bathroom at one point this afternoon and said to the mirror "This isn't going to work out".

Maybe I'm just tired and stressed (Lear opens tomorrow) and pissed off. I got a serious smack on the hand by a sword last night, and my hand is all swollen up and sore and I can't help but remember that I haven't *touched* him in weeks and he's smacked my hands to the point of bleeding or swelling four times in the past week and a half.

I'm just all out of sorts and I'm feeling like I'm not so sure this whole girlfriend thing is going to work out. Because when you get right down to it, I love her as a friend, but I'm not sure I'll ever love her in any other way.

And sometimes I'd rather be alone than be with her.

That doesn't sound good, does it?

I'm a bastard and I'm about to be late, and I'm tired, and I just want to go to sleep.

In my own bed.

Alone.

I'm a bastard.