No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-10-17 - 5:37 p.m.

Ten steps to regaining your groove

Okay, I'm working on the restoration of my groove. (The loss of which is referenced in today's first entry--and yeah I'm too lazy to link it, so there.) Here's the deal:

1. Continue avoidance of RVBM that has held since about noon. If I do see him, I can do so without completely losing my groove again, cause it's now after 5 and I'm still here so he'll think I'm working hard, and not updating my diary.

2. Promise myself that next time RVBM gives me the glare, tell him to go to Hell and take this shitty job with him.

3. Do *not* think about the impossibility of #2 ever occurring.

4. Music. Thank whatever powers you want to for music. It's all about Ani this afternoon, and she. So kicks. My ass. (No, my CD player didn't magically start working again. I just reduced my anal-cranial ratio and remembered that my computer will actually play CD's. This is not actually as stoopid as it sounds, because the door-stop computer I was using until last week did not play CD's.)

5. Random email from Rudy entitled "You know what you need? You need a friend"

Cartman: [comforts Chad] Hey, Chad, eh. You know what you need? You need a friend.

Chad: [wipes away his tears] I'd, I do?

Cartman: Yes. [dangles a chocolate in front of him] A chocolate friend. [Chad begins to howl] Mr. Candy Bar doesn't judge you, Chad. Mr. Candy Bar likes you just the way you are. [opens the wrapper to expose the aroma and tempts him] Look at how yummy and sweet he is. [Chad, still sobbing, takes the candy bar and starts eating. Cartman bides his time] .There you go. That'll just be four dollars. [Chad hands him the money and finishes the candy bar. Cartman just watches] .There you go.

6. Willpower and my rediscovery of it in myself. I am eating as often as I want to, I am just no longer eating as *much* as I am used to. This and the fact that exercise is my friend is giving me hope for both my bod and my self-image.

7. Important detail about last night that I did not yet mention. This Friday I have been invited to a party at SpunkyGirl's house. The invite came through Ng, who has been oddly silent on the subject of j$-SpunkyGirl diplomatic relations. This is unusual because Ng is a one-woman dating service. She knows *everyone* in Denver (or so close that I can't tell the difference) and she doesn't seem to like seeing her friends be alone.

8. Applesauce. I don't have any, but doesn't just the thought of it make you happy? Mmmm...applesauce.

9. The feeling that I'm regaining some focus in my life. I've decided in the past couple of days that if you are focused on not necessarily The Big Priorities, or Important Issues, or Self-Improvement, but just plain old Being Happy, that wonder of wonders you just might hit that target. I guess that the reason that I've been so addicted to escapist activities in recent months is that my life itself wasn't interesting enough to hold my attention. Not a good thing. So now I'm trying to make the business of my life be the living of it. (Sounded better in my head).

10. Not every list makes it to ten. So there.

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