No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2002-03-18 - 8:42 a.m.

weekend, last words, and conquering fear

Here's the deal.

It's a Monday morning, and I'm remembering why I hate the work-a-day world. I want to keep some kind of job going, because of, you know, money. But Monday mornings. Damn. Just damn.

Friday night was...what was Friday night? Friday night was dinner with RockGirl and Starling and OriginalWhiteGuy, and some bottles of wine, and staying up late talking. Saturday was sleeping in a bit, then going to this meeting that was just a big schmooze-fest of actors and screenwriters and indie film producers. It was me doing a cold reading of someone's script (cause that's the stated purpose of these things...local actors reading the works of local authors for the benefit of all) and then handing out a few resumes and headshots (pictures, not punches in the head). It was an empowering experience for me (how on earth can I say that phrase with a straight face?). I walked into a roomfull of strangers, and performed something with not preparation, and then talked to strangers, trying to convince them that I'm the guy they need.

Saturday night was dinner with RockGirl at the B&B, then over to jo3's new house to drink wine and put up dry wall (power tools and alchohol -- doubly intoxicating). Then we played guitar for a long time, and then Ng came home from her bachelorette party (totally ripped) and we played some more, and then it was two in the morning and somehow we made it home.

Yesterday I slept, and then RockGirl got up and left, and I slept and then I slept some more. I didn't get up till past noon. Went to see the Sunday show at Cow Place. One of my favorite scenes got cut. Hung out with my peeps. Came home. Did laundry. Took eRoommate to the video store so he could re-stock on movies. Watched the Seven Samurai, which was awesome. Stayed up until 1 am getting my PalmPilot to sync up under Linux (mmmmm...geeky).

Who says I aint living the rock star life?

Oh yeah, me.

Some time ago, some people and I were talking about last words. Oh yeah, it was in the green room for Lear. People started quoting famous peoples' last words. Oscar Wilde: "Either that wallpaper goes or I do". Some famous comic actor whose name I've forgotten: "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard." Someone said we should try to come up with our last words ahead of time. So they'd be ready. It seemed like a good idea at the time, when we were all laughing and in a good mood. Right now, for some reason, it seems like missing the point.

Anyway, another weekend gone. Tonight I play at the open mike thing. By myself. Just me and my guitar and my harmonica. I played through my songs last night and felt pretty good about it. I'm beyond terrified, but I know I'll love it. I've been wanting to do this for years, and now I finally will.

Here's to conquering fear.

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