No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-11-11 - 10:10 p.m.

Where there's no smoke, you can't expect any fire.

I was expecting to be supremely hung over today, and am very lucky that I was not. I got home last night after three, making it one of the latest nights out I've had in a long, long time. It was a good night. eRoommate and I met up with some friends at The Church. We did "The Flip" to see who had to drive, and I won (ie I didn't have to drive). I think eRoommate had some "tie one on" aspirations for the night, the frustration of which he channeled into buying Cap'n 'n' Cokes for me.

Whenever I'm in my cups and someone asks me how many I've had, my typical response is "I lost track at one". It's just one of the many ways in which I express how much of a bastard I am. Last night, I think I actually lost track at about five. It's become increasingly rare that I ever lose track at all.

The official excuse for going out last night was for RockGirl's birthday. She's a friend of OriginalWhiteGuy's and Starling's who I've known peripherally for about five years. In the last six months, she got a divorce and moved to Denver. OWG and Starling brought her to a Moveable Feast one time, and HeroMan and Rudy immediately adopted her, and started inviting her out to group things. The upshot is that I've been seeing a lot of her. I have a tendency to invite her last minute, and (I think because she hasn't made a *ton* of friends in town yet) she tends to show.

Then at the Halloween party, Starling told me I should ask her out. It was one of those things where I really hadn't even thought of it. You know how you mind categorizes people, and you kind of get ingrained in those categorizations? RockGirl was labelled "friend only" years and years ago, and my mind hadn't gotten around to re-evaluating the applicability of that label yet.

The thing that's the story here is how much fun it was last night to watch Starling doing her oh-so-sneaky prodding. She is far less subtle than she thinks she is. eRoommate even got in on the act, though I haven't said a word to him about any of this. It seems that my friends have made a decision about who I should date, and they're trying to convince me of it.

Through all this, I'm just being me. I have *absolutely* no idea what RockGirl may or may not think on the subject (or even if she recognizes it as a subject). And as for me?

Well, the jury's out.

Cause there's some lack of spark. Not much smoke, nor fire going on inside j$. No cause for concern for Smokey the Bear. So, I've made a conscious decision to leave the jury out for a while. If spark happens, then it happens, and at that point I might try to start a fire. Until then, well, I'm just being me.

I've been told I'm pretty good at that.

One more thing. Who went digging back through the archive on Friday? I've never seen that many hits in a single day. Whoever it was, I'm flattered at the interest you showed, I'm sorry for any trauma I may have inflicted on you, and no, I will not pay your therapy bills. :)

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