No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-05-31 - 2:35 p.m.

gingivitis and torture

i really ought to be working, but i just have so little enthusiasm right now.

this morning i subjected myself to that peculiar form of torture known as dentistry. it's been two years since my last visit. surprisingly my teeth are in good shape. no new cavities. unfortunately, my gums are less healthy. GINGIVITIS. go ahead, say it in an ominous tone, with tons of reverb. GINGIVITIS. fortunately, the hygeinist (sp?) was not one of the holier-than-your-rotted-teeth variety. which made it just a smidge easier to endure when she took a sharp chunk of metal, that vibrated at ultrasonic speeds, jammed it into the space between my teeth and gums and started *scraping* for all she was worth. a fine mist of water and blood speckled my glasses. yum. from the look on her face, i must have lost a pint of blood from my gums. so i shut my eyes and used one of Frank's mantras.

"pain is a function of nerves. pain comes to the nerves as light does to the eyes. effort is a function of muscles, not of nerves." thought about shutting my eyes to the pain. when that didn't work anymore i started singing "all of this" in my head at top volume.

have you gone and checked out sam shaber yet? bad monkey, no banana. go. go now.

okay, back yet? good.

so i'm now at work, trying to ignore my conscience. i'm drinking the most sugar-infused sodas we have in the fridge (raising self-distruction to an art form) and listening to the tupes. uh. where the hell would i be without music? how, how, how does it effect me so strongly?

phew. it's too beautiful outside to in here.

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