2001-07-24 - 11:23 a.m.

now is the very winter of my discontent

now is the very winter of my discontent.

a man does not know the heart of alienation without insomnia, until he has made a meal of his own inadequacies at 3:12 am on a monday night. there is an otherworldliness to a state of sleep deprivation. it is compounded by depression, and compounds depression in turn, creating a self-destructive feedback loop.

today i am of the world, but not in this world. it is as if i perceive my day through a layer of cheesecloth, with cotton in my ears. everything is just a little disjointed, just a little muffled.

not.

quite.

real.

i keep expecting to wake up in my bed and discover that it's all a dream.

i know it's not.