No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-07-26 - 2:37 p.m.

woman: hello. me: duh

i just went out to the car for more quarters so i can have more caffiene.

caffiene is my friend.

i wanted to just get in the car, drive home and go to bed.

i'm going to the concert tonight with CD and some of her friends. i kind of expected that someone out of the gang would go too, but that is not the case.

i don't really know CD all that terribly well, so i hope that things are comfortable tonight. she's pretty cool, but like i said, i just don't know her that well.

i think sometimes i have trouble being friends with single women. not that i really have a problem with single women, it's just that part of my mind keeps saying "she's cool, you like her, ask her out" even when i don't really want to ask her out. it's like in "When Harry Met Sally", the thing about men and women being friends and the "sex thing" getting in the way.

of course all of this talk might be a smoke-screen. if i imagine for a moment that CD wanted to date me, chances are good i'd be okay with that. so maybe that means that i *would* like to date her, but i'm just not doing anything about it.

of course, eRoommate is crushing on her and has "announced his intentions", so regardless of how i feel, i aint doing squat.

you know, with all the second-guessing i do of myself, it's amazing i can deal with anyone in an adult fashion.

this is part of my problem with women. when i meet a woman i like, i spend so much time analyzing and re-analyzing ever word, gesture, glance, nuance; then second-guessing my own reactions, thoughts and feeling; and concocting the "perfect" phrase, behaviour and attitude. by the time i've done all that, she's long gone.

i'm like the cop in "The Matrix" who stands there dumbfounded while Trinity jumps fourteen feet in the air, spins around, writes the great american novel, and then kicks his ass. i'm still working through the thought process of "hey, that chick is wearing all vinyl" and the next thing you know my ass is being handed to me.

hmmm...that sounds really confrontational. i don't really feel like that. i'm just trying to convey the extent of my dumbfoundedness in these situations.

let me explain. there is no time. let me sum up:

me: duh.

woman: hi there.

me: duh.

woman: hello?

me: duh.

woman: hellooooo?

me: duh.

woman: well, goodbye then.

me: duh...hello. damn! too late again.

ah well. did i mention that caffiene is my friend?

it's always good to have a friend you can count on.

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