No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-08-03 - 12:27 p.m.

the joy of coding

sorry for the crappy entry yesterday. (but i wrote, dammit, i wrote)

had a website review meeting with BigSis last night. she was pretty happy with my progress. i am not happy with it. there's a lot to show in terms of pages, but under the covers it's a mess. so i decided to do a complete re-design of the architecture (or more appropriately replace the complete lack of architecture with some semblance of one). i worked on it till 1:30 this morning.

i really got into it. even after i'd gone to bed, i kept having ideas. i got up twice to jot down notes to myself.

here's the real point of this story. it was the first time in a long time that i can remember being excited about coding. about actually enjoying what i was doing.

that's the rub.

i've been working steadily all morning, and actually kind of enjoying what i'm doing.

i think at least half the reason i don't like my job has nothing to do with the company or the job itself, but the *work*.

i think i'd gotten kind of burned out. i was definitely questioning whether or not this was the career path for me. after the collapse of my last company, i got disillusioned and bitter and i just didn't want to do the work anymore.

last night, i finally re-discovered the joys of coding. (yeah, yeah, yeah, i'm a geek).

hopefully this means i'll be happier in my job for a bit.

check back in a few days and see if i reverse myself. you know me and mood swings (wheeee!)

i rarely remember my dreams, but last night i dreamt that i was using Napster's new subscription service (i dunno even if it's up yet -- i haven't been on Napster in months) and i was downloading Mariah Carey songs (i have no idea why, i *hate* most of her music) and after two songs, i'd racked up a $700 bill.

dreams are f***ing weird.

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