2002-04-25 - 1:48 p.m.

When you're in love there are no wrong dance moves. But I can't dance, and I don't even hear any music.

I know that I'm all talk and no action on the RockGirl front. I know that. And I know that some people have advised me to take some sort of action. (And they usually seem to be right.) And I know that when the break comes it's going to be ugly.

But right now I'm wanting like hell to flee.

The whole situation.

Because I've been busy all week long. And my estimates are that after I leave for work tomorrow I won't be home till Sunday morning (which will be just a couple of hours before I have to leave again). And that's seeming pretty intolerable to me.

Cause there's laundry to be done and emails to write and ferchrissake I wanna just relax for a bit.

I don't want every minute of my spare time to be pre-scheduled by RockGirl. I can't take it.

Some things that made me think during acting workshop last night.

1. ActingCoach saying he's never shied away from confrontation and that he recommends just getting things out in the open. He looks to me like a pretty happy and relaxed guy. You know?

2. "When you're in love, there are no wrong dance moves." See, when you're in love, you can forget or look past all the flaws and the gaffs and the problems. Cause you're in love. But I'm not. In love. And after four months I'm pretty convinced that I won't be. In love. With RockGirl. Ever.

So I know I'm in a pretty stressed out spot right now. And there are a lot of things pulling at me. And my wanting to flee could just be a response to all this stress.

Except.

Except that I've never had much spark. And I've never been too sure about the whole "us" thing. And I've been whining and not doing things for a long, long damn time.

And I think that maybe now is the time to act.

Cause it's just not working for me. I don't want to date RockGirl. Anymore.

I'm not in this for the right reasons.

And I don't love her. I wish we had just stayed friends.

....

....

Now if I can just get up the nerve to tell her this.

Shit.