No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2002-11-07 - 12:09 a.m.

Late night whining and rambling

I don't want to talk about money.

I don't want to talk about jobs.

I don't even want to talk about acting or rehearsals or class.

I'm not sure what it is I want to talk about, but I need to talk. So maybe I'll just ramble. Deal with it.


All day today my stomach has been killing me. It's like a day-long case of heartburn. Which totally sucks, let me tell you. I think I need to cut down on the soda intake. It can't be good for me.


I've noticed that loneliness hasn't really reasserted itself as a force in my life. The whole RockGirl thing is not completely fresh in my mind, but it's still there. I guess I'm still not completely ready to go storming back into something new. Or at least I'm just not feeling a big need to be looking for someone.

I do want to find a way to hang out with ShyGirl, but I don't trust my own ulterior motives. Hmmmm...I'm a bastard.


CG and I are getting together on Friday afternoon to play some music. We've been bandying around the idea of playing out but this is the first time we've really taken any action. I'm kinda psyched. He's got a great voice. And he's the kind of guy who does what he says he's going to do. Maybe his enthusiasm and drive will take me along for the ride. Wouldn't that be cool.

Of course, I've got way too much crap going on in the evenings now. Makes me nuts.


Why can't I find a way to act during the days and get paid for it? That's all I want out of life these days. I finally found something I love to do and can do pretty well, and it's so freaking hard to make a living at it. Why must I mortgage away large chunks of my life doing things I hate, so that I can do the things I love?

Sometimes it just seems unfair.

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