No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2003-06-10 - 6:30 p.m.

Big frustrations and little comforts

God, I'm just not in the mood to write lately.

I've got a million, billion, trillion things going on inside my head. I'm taking a hard, hard look at things about me and my life. I'm trying to understand how I function emotionally (here's a hint: not well).

I'm incredibly energized and yet frustrated by the intensive. Scene study class was brutal, because our scene got broken down to the point of absurdity.

"What are you doing there?"

"I'm getting a glass of water."

"I don't buy that. You don't want the water. Make me see you want the water."

"Ummm...okay. How's this?"

"Okay, now you kind of want the water, but you need to make *her* want the water."

"What if she doesn't want water?"

"*Make* her want the water."

"Ummm...okay. How's this?"

"Okay, now you want a drink, and so does she, but neither of you want water."

"You're right. We want a stiff drink. Preferably five. Or maybe just some poison."

Seriously, I have *no* idea what this woman is saying to me. It's just a vocabulary that I don't have, and I feel like I can't do anything right. My partner and I spent three hours setting up a space, and blocking out what we were going to do, and our teacher immediately told us that the space was all wrong and we looked like we didn't know what we were doing.


I know this is for my benefit, but I'm just ridiculously frustrated by this woman.

Okay, apparently I needed to vent a little.


I talked to BigSis on the drive home today, and I felt better (as I almost always do after talking to BigSis) about the whole ShyGirl thing. Much was said, but here's something I'm clinging to. Neither of my sisters thinks that I've broken up with someone (in recent years) who they thought was a real catch. Not necessarily saying that RockGirl or ShyGirl are bad people, but my sisters weren't saying to themselves "Damn, for his sake, I hope he holds on to this one."

I'm working on the little comforts, you know what I mean?

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