No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-06-01 - 12:05 a.m.

phone calls, flashlights and beginnings

so you know when you are looking forward to talking to someone and then you do and then it's not really what you were hoping for? i talked to SoccerGirl again tonight, and i was right what i said yesterday. i've got this whole thing built up in my head waaaaay past what it really is.

of course, that doesn't mean that i don't still like the hell out of her. i do. it's just that i want everything to be perfect. well, no duh, it's not.

there's nothing wrong with her. she had a rough week and was tired and it says something that she even bothered to call at all that late.

and patience is something i need to remind myself of. she's busy, i'm busy, and things need to go slow, assuming they even go anywhere.

gee, overanalyze much. naw.

imagine that you've spent a very long time (for no particular reason, let's say five years) in complete darkness. now someone comes along and turns on a flashlight. first, you're going to be blinded and dazzled and confused by this bright light that you'd almost forgotten existed. second, you might, just might, mistake this little light for say, the sun. but it's not the sun. and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself for thinking it's the sun, because hell, it's been five years since you've seen any light at all. and the whole confusion thing. the real trick here is that our hypothetical torch bearer may actually decide to lead you out into the sun. as long as you don't freak out and scare them away, which would of course plunge you back into complete darkness. are you seeing through my shoddy little analogy yet?

beginnings are delicate times. very, very delicate.

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