No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2001-09-14 - 10:26 a.m.

angry at my space-cadet father

just a quick note about my dad. and some anger.

you see, i love my dad. really, really i do.

but sometimes he makes me so fricking mad i can't see straight. the main problem is that he's perpetually in what we call "space cadet mode". he just doesn't communicate with us, his kids. i don't talk to him for weeks at a stretch. he doesn't show any interest in what's going on in my life. he doesn't listen to me. he doesn't tell me what's going on in his life.

case in point. last night BigSis showed me an email she got from AuntUgh, dad's sister-in-law. apparently dad has been selected for some really, really big-shot deal. i mean we're talking he's going to be working directly with the Secretary of Energy, and maybe even the Pres. yeah. my dad. and Dubya. chatting it up over policy-making decisions. big honking deal. probably the biggest career-related happening in dad's life.

how did i find out about this? let's follow the chain of communication, shall we? dad probably told his parents. they told BaldUncle and AuntUgh. AuntUgh sent out an email to all of the family (except me -- i must be a devil-child). BigSis gets the email and shows it to me.

we're real tight, my dad and me.

and so i have some anger towards dad right now. and i wish so much that we could have a better relationship. and i know i need to work towards that, make some efforts. because if there's anything this week has taught me, it's that you don't have as much time as you think you do.

but i don't even know where to begin.

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