No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction at anytime.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction,
a blessed unrest keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.
-- Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille
Was || Will Be || Past Moments || Now || Notes

2002-02-18 - 12:36 p.m.

Speak the truth boldly, then run

So this morning RockGirl and I were laying in bed, and we had a little chat. I used phrases like "too much too soon" and "disparity of emotion" and the dreaded "space".

And she got real quiet.

When she did say things they weren't happy things.

She said she knew this was coming. Which is not a surprise. She said she always expected to be hurt by me. Which was a surprise, and not something I was happy to hear.

She seems to be convinced that she will never have a relationship where she doesn't end up as a trophy, a pretty bauble. That she would think me capable of such a relationship pissed me off.

She seems to think that there are demons in her past that would scare me off (more) and that she can't share parts of her life with me. Ever.

Then she got really quiet again.

And, to my lasting shame, I fell asleep. (I will say in my defense that I was up till past three and woke many times during the night, so I *was* incredibly tired.)

When I woke up again, I fled.

I have no idea what the fallout will be.

But I spoke the truth, and plainly and gently as I was able.

That's the only thing I feel good about right now.

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