2002-01-02 - 12:01 p.m.

The obligatory, over-long, New Year's entry

Fluh. Again, again, where to begin?

Let's see, the evening of my last entry, that being Friday, I got into my first ever car accident. On a road I didn't realize was icy, I gently tapped the gentleman in front of me, and as I was reaching for my seatbelt to get out and survey damage, I was *slammed* from behind by a gentleman who was immediately *slammed* from behind by a woman. So, suddenly there I was in a four-car pile-up. And it was coldcoldcold out, and I had to stand around for fifteen minutes waiting for the cops, and I had no idea what to do, and I was frazzled as hell. I apparently nearly killed RockGirl (whose place I was going to) when I called and said "I'll be late, I was just in a four-car pile-up. I'm okay." Apparently the "I'm okay" thing should have come at the *start* of that sentence. Anyway, I *am* okay, though I had severe neck soreness that night, and some stiffness the next day. Sheila came through just fine, with some cosmetic damage to her rear bumper, but no structural damage. The two cars behind me both had to be towed. Love my Sheila. She's a fricking rock.

Saturday was the day of the never-ending audition. I went back in three times. I was a freaking bundle of nerves until I reached the stage and then was okay. This is why I want to act, cause I'm really never as all okay as I am when I'm on stage. I made callbacks, and had massive panic attack about the singing and dancing thing. I got through the singing by bringing my guitar and singing one of my own songs. The dancing was ridiculously simple, so really, no issue. No word on getting the part, and I won't know until the 10th. But overall, after being incredibly nervous, I came out feeling incredibly confident. It was a great experience, and even if I don't get a part, I feel tonstonstons better for having made it through that process feeling so good.

I have an audition for King Lear tonight, and I really should be working on my monologue right now. Soon. I promise.

Where were we? So Saturday night was a short little romp out with friends. Sunday we got up, helped jo3 move some furniture, watched the Packer game (making fun of John Madden), and then lazed around a bit. I didn't watch any of the Bronco game, because RockGirl was getting burned out on football, and I didn't want to watch what I expected to be a severe beating for my boys. I'm a fan, but also a realist. I'm also a moron, cause my boys whupped up on the hated Raiders, and I must now atone for my faithlessness. Sunday night was a night of games and such with some mutual friends. The host I hadn't seen in far too long, so I felt at least a token appearance was required of me. There were others there who have habitually set my teeth on edge, and it's nearly an hour drive, so we blazed fairly early.

Monday was day of running errands and random shopping. Then party at CandleMan's place. We did a demented form of Secret Santa, except it was Secret Satan, and the goal was to get something evil for someone. I was given a tube of pork sausage (cause if I haven't mentioned it, I don't dig on the swine). Other things given were: gay, german porn, a mullet calendar, The Idiot's guide to a successful marriage (for a recent divorcee), job applications for McDonalds (for an unemployed guy), a see-through blow-up sex doll ("see yourself in all your glory"), the infamous Farting Goo Cup (I couldn't explain if I tried), and my own entry, for which I am alternately proud and incredibly ashamed, the stuffed vampire dalmatian (complete with stake through the heart, decapitation, and garlic clove). We are a sick, sick crowd of people. A good time was had by all, and because RockGirl voluntarily consigned herself to slowly sipping scotch all evening, I was able to cozy up with the Captain for the night.

Side note, I haven't had someone to kiss at New Year's for at least five years. That was kind of cool.

Yesterday was a day of extreme sleeping in (poker the night before didn't wind down till after 3 am). I'm getting to be a bad influence on RockGirl. She of awake by seven every day has spent two days in the past week lounging in bed until past nine. There's more needs be said about RockGirl, but I'm not done playing journalist yet. Later, we went to Mom's to watch the Buff game. Poor RockGirl had to withstand some family drama there which I'm too tired to go into now, but in the end, it became a bonding moment for my little rockers, and my sisters.

So if you've been keeping track, you might have surmised that RockGirl and I spent a *lot* of time together this past week. In fact, from Saturday night until this morning, we were not apart. I found myself leaving messages for eRoommate that sounded like this: "It's me. Just letting you know that I'm not dead. But I won't be home. Tonight. Again. Bye."

So there's a part of me that's saying "Hey, it's pretty cool that we're getting along that well, and we haven't had any fights, and we can spend time together without it having to be 'quality time' and things are pretty damn good right now."

Then there's the part of me that's running around with his hands in his air, screaming in panic.

Tomorrow is two weeks. In the normal j$ relationship (or at least how they used to be back in ages past, when I had relationships) things would be progressing pretty slowly at this point. One or two dates a week, a few relatively chaste kisses, not even really thinking about trying to cop a feel.

RockGirl pretty much fast-forwarded us to my typical two month position on the very first night. I'm still reeling.

It's comfortable. It's good.

It's also frightening as hell.

BigSis, after meeting RockGirl for the first time said "she seems to like you". She don't know the half of it. It's almost too much at this point, and I'm trying to keep some kind of balance.

This all sounds doom-and-gloomy. It's not. I'm seriously happy. It's just that parts of my brain still haven't processed the first kiss completely yet, much less everything after.

Feh. Enough of that.

So this being my first entry of the new year, I'm sure you're expecting some looking back/looking forward kind of crap. Here you go.

Professionally, I lost two jobs this year. One because of the Current Economic Climate. The other because I realized I hated it, and then slacked off too much. So late in the year, I decided that at the ripe old age of 29 and a half, that I was going to follow my dreams. Now if only I can figure out how to keep paying rent.

Family-wise, this year has been a blessing. I put in a lot of work helping BigSis with her business, and in doing so, we re-discovered our friendship. She and TwinSis have been so close for so long, that I've sometimes felt like second fiddle. But this year, BigSis and I really bonded in a way we haven't since high school. I'm hoping that this next year, I can undergo a similar renewal with TwinSis. Those who know me know how much I love my sisters. I think it's high time my sisters got to understand that as well.

In love life, as you well know, there was nothing, and more nothing, and yet more nothing, and then RockGirl came storming into my life. See above.

I started this journal at the end of May. As of this morning, it's been hit nearly 4000 times. I've met new people (both online and in person) and tapped into a sense of community that I find both amazing, and impossible to explain to those who aren't a part of it. (RockGirl, she of Dungeons and Dragons, and other forms of geekitude, stared at me in wonderment as I tried to explain, then said "geek".) I started all this because of CubeGirl, and because I needed a way to vent while at work. Now it is part of me. I appreciate the writing practice it's given me, and the emotional stability it's lent. One more thing it's taught me. Some people in NY are way too serious about their NFL teams. As if the Chefs or Vultures could ever be cooler than the Broncos. Go Broncos!

Otherwise, it was a year. It was a year in which I spent *way* too much time playing computer games, and engaged in other mindless pursuits. It was a year in which I feel I spent about six or seven months sleepwalking my way through the day. It was a year in which I drank too much, worked out too little, slept poorly more often than not, made few new friends, and maybe lost some old ones, and generally just got by.

It was not all in all a *bad* year.

It was not in many ways a good one.

I could talk now about resolutions, but I have long since stopped making specific resolutions (or at least not limited them to just the new year). So my resolution is this:

Be happy. Love well. Live well.

Have a happy 2002, everyone.

And I don't say it often enough, but I'm all about the love for yall.

Cause you are so fucking money, baby.